"I don't speak German, but I can if you like"

So I got the email yesterday: "Lauren, unfortunately we are unable to offer you a position at this time . . . "

Blah blah blah. And, truly, it's understandable that a mother of four children, one of whom is 18 months, would be picky about who she chooses to care for said children. It just seemed like such a done deal when I went for my interview. I got a tour of the house; I was asked to teach the 12-year-old how to sew; I read the 3-year-old two story books! I was even told that "when I was able to start in July, I could come and live with the family at LBI for the month of August and care for the kids there." The references I gave were good--I know they'd never get a bad word about me from any of them. They were even an afterthought. "Do you need anything from me?" I asked. "Hmm . . . " said the mom. "References, maybe? Email them to my husband."

I can only think that it's because I don't have enough childcare experience for their liking. I don't think the years lifeguarding and coaching, no matter how much care of children it required, sounded exactly like "experience" to them. And I do understand that. It's just a bummer . . . $800/week in cash would've been nice . . .

So now it's back to the drawing board. I'm applying to Starbucks--trying to think big here. Anything to stay in Philly. Dad says he knows I want to be on my own but that I can always come home. I love him so much for that, but going home won't really get me any closer to Philly, unless I get the year-long apprenticeship at The Fulton Opera House.

But somehow, as soon as I got the rejection email--the last thing I wanted to see after how crappy this past week has been--I got a text saying I should come hang out with the set/lighting crew in The Underground, aka the basement of ML (my dorm). And I spent the whole night with really cool, funny, somewhat nerdy tech people from all different schools and of all different ages and I actually felt perfectly able to be myself from the get go. We went to Mayfair in Allentown, which was a slightly lame but funny carnival not far from Muhlenberg. We got in for free because Evan knows one of the carneys who works there; he got a few people deep fried Snickers, or "death on a stick," for free, too. I almost bought a deep friend Oreo because I've never had one and it reminds me of Stoltzfus, but I decided to save that experience for another time. I was too excited about having friends to let myself die on the spot of a clogged artery.

When we got back, I got the experience of playing beer pong with a stolen university table in a teeny tiny dorm room. I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE! That's what happens when you live in a historical landmark as a freshman, I guess. Castle livin' ain't reglar dorm life. Which reminds me! I don't know why I wrote that sentence Appalachian southern style, but I LOVE THEATRE PEOPLE beause they speak loudly in ridiculous accents in public and don't give a shit. This guy Jack, who just graduated from Kutztown, is kind of a hipster, but he was clearly a Confederate soldier in another life. Long blonde hair, scruffy beard, and mustache, and he does the best gruff southern accent. It was brilliant. And he's a tech guy--still can do a bang-up accent and doesn't freaking care if people stare at him. It makes me proud to know people who truly just allow themselves to be who they want to be, where they want to be it.

And, you know, I don't speak German, but I can if you like. I love Gaga because she's so right about so many things. I'm a performer, and I am in the business of selling myself for a performance. Kind of like prostitution except . . . not. At all. And I figure I can be whoever I feel like and do whatever I want, wherever I want, and I'm not going to give a damn. So maybe this skill will help get a job? I hope. Jay says it will all work out, and it will. I'm just nervous--but when am I not? I'm such a high-strung person sometimes, it's ridiculous.

"Never turn down an opportunity, because you don't know where it will take you." That's what my Grandad said to me at graduation. Randomly. He can barely speak or hear and rarely talks unless it's to tell a waitress a bad joke, but that is what he told me. And then he asked if my professor who knew the guy on the salad dressing bottles can help me, but that's besides the point. I will never again see a bottle of Newman salad dressing without thinking of Grandad Myers. I almost bought one today at Walmart just because--until I looked at the calorie/fat intake per serving. Where does salad dressing get off being so damn unhealthy, is my question? Paul Newman, man, if you were still alive, I'd have a bone to pick with you. I am sorry that my Grandad knows you better for your dressing than your acting. Truly, truly sorry. Maybe I'll never be an actor, but everyone will refer to me as "the olive oil lady" or something. I could handle being a real-life Aunt Jemima type.

Merlin!

I have obsessively been watching The Adventures of Merlin on Netflix, which is slightly embarassing but true all the same. My favorite part about it is that Anthony Stewart Head, who plays Giles on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, is Uther Pendragon. I wonder if he ever escapes the authoritative, snobby-British roles? I RECOMMEND THIS SHOW! It's just kinda cool and yet not too terribly complicated. Mostly goes show by show, which is how Buffy was, and I like it that way. If you don't watch an episode you won't miss much.

IN OTHER NEWS . . . I made a friend. Sort of. Like fifteen minutes ago. Maybe a few friends? They all work in the scene shop or are on light crew, so I will likely never see them during the day but hopefully will get to see them after work lets out. I might be eating a lot of french toast with them tomorrow night. And we might be going to this Mayfair thing in Allentown somewhere. The sort-of friend, Evan, asked me what I've been eating. I told him Ramen, rice, and canned vegetables, and he nodded in approval. I liked him instantly. He included me in everything, which was super nice. His friend, who I think is named Sarah, asked me if I've ever seen her favorite film, Benny and Joon. HAVE I EVER?! Of course! Tina is my best friend. So I liked her, Sarah (?), instantly too.

I wish it didn't take me 2-3 times to remember a name. I feel like I'll figure it out though. The set construction people seem really, really nice and very welcoming. Hopefully something good will come out of this.

Today at work, I ironed for 4 hours BUT then I got to sew! It was lovely. And even though I have to work tomorrow, I feel all right about it. At least I'm keeping my skills in good use.

And now I'm going to watch another episode of Merlin. Win!

"When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions"

I painted my fingernails black today. I used to think only "goth" people could get away with this, but Gretchen tells me it's acceptable for anyone to do so nowadays and I'm glad. Firstly, because it's stupid that a color should represent a group of people; secondly, because I want to paint my fingers whatever damn color I feel like without comment; and thirdly, because it suits my mood these days.

I truly did believe that after everything that's happened this past school year, things would start to look up once summer hit. Then I came to Muhlenberg. Now, don't get me wrong, I KNOW that this job is going to benefit me in some way. I'm going to learn a lot (hopefully sooner rather than later) and make a bunch of new friends (maybe . . . ?) and have something stellar to put on my resume (if anyone in Philly cares about Muhlenberg SMT, that is). I'm being a pessimist. I know it. I accept it. I even apologize for it. But SOMEONE needs to explain to me what I did to deserve the task of sorting the "White Button" drawer on Wednesday, do so for seven hours with only a brief break for lunch, and then arrive on Thursday only to be told all that's left is to sort the damn "Purple Button" drawer, pull a few Fedoras, and sit on my ass for 2 hours. "Do you have a personal project you can work on?" No. I was told that under no circumstances was I to use the shop for my own projects, so I didn't bring one scrap of fabric.

Nor, apparently, did I bring (1) hangers, (2) cutlery or dishes, (3) any food besides Ramen, Saltines, and white rice, (4) a cardigan, (5) my camera, (6) a refrigerator, (7) a new BC prescription, (8) any plays or monologues to work on for TAGPs, (9) ANYTHNG to decorate my sad freshman dorm room, or (10) my tolerance. Clearly huge oversights while I was packing an hour before I had to leave East Petersburg, but I'm giving myself some allowances on this front considering I'd just moved back into my house the day before.

The tolerance thing I'm working on. It was going reasonably well--until fifteen minutes ago:

"Dear Lauren,

Your callback for our fringe show is on Saturday, June 11th, at 10:00am. Please let me know if this is a problem.

Sincerely,

Person-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named"

Funny. FUNNY. Because I could've sworn six weeks ago that you told me it was on June 4th. I also could've sworn that that was why I asked for and was granted that day off of work.

"Dear Person-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named,

I am still interested in auditioning, but I was told that my callback was on June 4 and therefore only asked off of work for that day. I am in Allentown working on costumes for Muhlenberg's Summer Music Theatre and their first show is in tech June 11, so I will be unable to attend the final casting call for that day. If there is any other weekend that I can be seen, please let me know. If not, I'm very sorry but I will be unable to attend.

Thank you,

Lauren"

FUNNY, isn't it? I barely got off for my TAGP audition on June 13th, so there is no way I'll be able to make a callback for a Philly Fringe show. It's something I need to get used to, I guess. I'm just not needing this right now.

On the bright side! Jess is having me over for dinner tonight. And she is lovely and picked me up last night and we went to Starbucks and Target and talked for a bit. I'm glad that, since it doesn't look like I'll have an opportunity to interact with anyone who works at SMT, I still have a friend nearby.

Tomorrow will be better. I now know to bring a book to work--just in case.

Lauren